jessi_jess (jessi_jess) wrote,

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I don't know what's wrong with me... so many things are going through my head.. I don't understand.. I don't know what's happening, I don't know what is going on with me and I can't stand it. I don't know anything anymore.. everything is cloudy and all I want to do is swallow a bottle of pills and sleep until December. I don't know what's going on with anything... nothing makes any sense anymore. I can't even make coherent thoughts.. I don't.. I can't.. grrr. I just.. I can't think! My mind feels like it's shutting down, and the rest of me already has. I'm not who I was.. I don't know who I am. Last night was bascially it. Everything in me just gave up. Whoever I used to be is gone.. I killed her. She was dying for a long time, I was holding on to her, but I let go last night. She wasn't worth the fight.. she didn't deserve to live.. so she's dead. I'm dead... well, I'm not.. but who I was is. I'm just an empty shell with a very dead person inside. There's nothing left and that's all I can think about. My mind has truely and honestly withered up. There are hardly any memories... no emotions, no wants or needs or anything, I feel like a robot. I'm not cold, I'm not warm, I'm not happy or sad or angry or hurt, I'm not looking forward to anything or dreading anything, I'm just empty. I don't know if I'll ever really be a human again.. something's very wrong with me. But I am really just empathetic. It doesn't matter. Breathing doesn't matter. I don't matter and neither does the person inside me who's died.
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